For The Friend Who Doesn’t Get It

It doesn’t take long to understand which friends are able to support us and which aren’t. It is an ugly thing when a good friend turns out to be an opposing force.

I had another topic I was just about done writing when a text came in from one of my girlfriends. We’re supposed to be hanging out this weekend with our families, and she asked a whole bunch of questions that ended with, “What’s going on with the drinking?” I know she wants to party and have it be like old times. Old times have always included alcohol. This is the same friend who, upon first finding out my husband was attending AA said, “What? This is totally going to mess with my partying.” She was joking, but it was still irritating, making it all about her when we were dealing with something pretty serious to us.

It is frustrating when people misunderstand alcoholism as something that goes away after awhile. They may think that one beer is a harmless thing to an alcoholic trying to stay sober. They might not understand why a little bit is such a big deal. Don’t be to alcoholics what Tom Cruise is to postpartum depression. Seriously. This disease is real and there are so many people battling it, trying to have decent lives. An alcoholic cannot have a few sips, be satisfied, and la-dee-da go back to sobriety in a snap. Sobriety is something the alcoholic fights for every single day. It’s not a joke, a plaything, it’s not a whim that disappears because a friend wants drinking buddies.

For the most part, the people we’ve told have been very supportive. On the other side of the spectrum, there are those who have looked at me with pity. We have a difficult situation: we’re working through it. Don’t look at me like I’m a puppy with parvo. Pity is not helpful. It’s condescending. There are so many things that have improved since we understood our situation. I’ll take today over the past anytime. I think the people who pity can’t see past the label. It’s not a desirable label, but it’s helped us understand what kind of help we need. In some way, I am thankful for it.

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9 thoughts on “For The Friend Who Doesn’t Get It

  1. Thank you for this! Im very new to blogging but this sober blogging community makes me feel a lot less alone while trying to become sober. Its so nice being able to say “ME TOO” even if its just to a computer screen. Some people really don’t understand alcoholism, and while they may be supportive in other things in and challenges you face in life they just don’t get the sober thing. I’m hoping one of the silver linings in weening out who my true friends not just drinking buddies during this process may be becoming closer with some friends or making new ones.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s always helpful to find communities of support. I go to Al-Anon meetings regularly because of the shared experiences and understanding. Started blogging to expand that group. The Al-Anon and AA rooms are really the best places for support. Thankful that there are so many meetings where I live. Thankful for this online community, too!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. We have only told a few people…some or our closest friends. We are still dealing with how to tell other family members. I have some very judgmental people in my family, whom I am unsure can be supportive about us staying together, which I am dealing with.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yep. We’ve told only those very close to us. There are some family members we haven’t told for various reasons. Some have too much of their own cr*p going on, others we’re simply not as close to. For me, I tried to tell friends who were the closest. This one friend I wrote about, she was the exception out of several. She’s still making comments that are making me pretty pissed off, but I am realizing that she’s dealing with her own issues. Some people don’t really know what to say, which is fine. Others are very supportive and continue to be loving. Those are the ones I keep close. Keep posting!

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  3. Love this! You will find out who your true friends are, sadly. But that is okay. Just keep walking the walk, and you will be amazed at the true friendships you will make both in and out of the program.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I definitely see how friendships will develop in my home group. Would like to reach out to a few people I met in other meetings but not sure how to go about it. More meetings, I guess. šŸ™‚

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