Listening to the Little Voice

I don’t always equate the little voice to my higher power, premonition, or to conscience, but a mixture of the three. It’s an underlying sense of balance or the lack thereof. I’ve been thinking about my little voice and when it’s come into play.

The first time I really paid attention to my little voice was before we understood we were dealing with alcoholism. We had gotten into one of many horrible fights, and I was crying in bed, feeling hopeless. I do not recall consciously thinking it so much as hearing it: “You are made of stronger stuff. Get up.” It wasn’t even in line with my thoughts at the time, which were full of self-pity.

This past Labor Day weekend, we were out camping, having a good time. There were a few signs leading up to relapse, but when I saw my husband’s vehicle return to camp one day after a visit to the grocery store, I heard clearly, “He drank.” In the bustle that was happening at camp, I promptly forgot the voice and was later baffled over how we got into a huge fight later that night. The next morning he knew something had gone wrong but couldn’t remember anything except that he had downed nearly a whole bottle of vodka after buying groceries and before coming back to camp.

Most recently the voice has told me to hush at times when I wanted to be an ass (because I perceived that he was being an ass first, of course) and rock the boat. I’m relieved that I’ve listened more often than not, and I want to make a conscious effort to pay better attention to it. It has not misguided me, and I wonder how many times I’ve been too bull-headed or emotional to hear it above my own selfishness.

What has your little voice told you? What is that source of voice to you?